Irony. Sometimes I feel it's literally laughing at me. It is a dear friendly yet unwanted friend who happens to pop out in every inconvenient timing and in the least of expected moments..

Irony. For me, in the time being, it is the fact that I am currently jobless. It is the fact that I am currently just waiting to be stated as an undergraduate. It is the fact that I am so used to in having something to do in my agenda everyday that it kills me to just wait.. jobless.. Again, irony..

Irony. It is the fact that I can't track down the bass sound every time I listen to live music, well, except for funk. I am a huge fan of almost all genres of music but the other instruments and the vocals always manage to make me 'bass-deaf'. Ironic is whenever a bassist dear friend of mine, no matter how much headbanging he makes while playing live, I just couldn't track down the sound of his instrument. Irony..

Well, here's the string connecting the whole metaphor. If my life is a piece of music, I think the sound of bass would be the untraceable path of life. I am aware that it's there, I have the sight of it, I just don't know how to trace it down with the appropriate senses. I should have listened to the bass with my ears, but I only managed to caught the sight of him playing it. Just like how irony strikes in my current moment, if my life is the sound of the bass, I only sense it with uncertainty, doubt, and a little bit of fear, combined together, leaving me a bit paranoid.

Like the sound of bass, my path is overpowered by the other instruments of my life. I know it's there, but I still don't know how to get there. Maybe some part of me pretends to make it invisible as I know I am on the brink of stepping out of my comfort zone. But who are we kidding, it is one of the paths that sooner or later, each and everyone of us should follow.

Aside from the self-paranoia, my other half can't wait to enter the next chapter of 'having a job'. I know I am clueless to that new alien world. That's what causing the uncertainty, the doubt and the little bit of fear BUT it's not all bad, in a way, it boost me to be a better me. It pushes me to try and to step up my own game. In a way, it motivates me. Maybe the uncertainty, the doubt and the little bit of fear are not here to be my enemies. Being jobless scares the living out of me, but my subconscious mind is very sure that this isn't it. This is just not how it is going to end.

Ironic, isn't it? I am trying desperately to find my path while others seem to be just perfectly capable of walking theirs. Just like how my other friends can perfectly hear the sound of bass, when I am just pretending to nod along to the rhythm of their head bangs.

In order to get back on irony, I am confessing to the world for what it has done to me, for what it causes me.  I am willing to laugh along side of it rather than being dragged down by the self-inflicted horror caused by it.

In order to get back on irony, I take it as a common everyday joke.

In order to get back on irony, I laugh.

Your choices are indeed your choices. It is waiting to be picked by you and ONLY YOU. I am not saying that I am no longer paranoid, but hey, the choice is mine to choose, right? In order to get back on my dear unwanted friend, I choose to prioritize my life and be patient. Be patient and keep trying because deep down, I know this is not for me. Deep down, I think I know you know. The only question left is, which one will you choose?

22 for this year

Growing up, I never feel like I was special. I was this 'nerdy-unfriendly-tomboy-struggling-weird-emo-obsessed-with-aliens' kid that wouldn't even bother to fit in (well, I am still some of those minus the unfriendly). Then I start believing that I am so weird that I must be one of a kind. Well, last night, I came to realize that I am indeed special. But, the main reason is definitely not because of me, I am special because of the people around me. They really ARE...

the ones who got close to me in the weirdest way. the ones who bring so many colors in my life. the ones who put limitless smiles on my faces. the ones who irritate me in so many way. the ones who have no shame in asking for a favor or other sorts of related help. the ones who have heard my butch ungraceful laugh. the ones who have seen me on my worst condition. the ones who will always lend a hand. the ones who are always be there through thick and thin.

They affected me in such brilliant ways that I am able to grow and love who I am today, right now, in this moment.. I have been exposed and have the chance to be close to a lot of people, which I think is a blessing in disguise. Each of them infected me with fragments of themselves that it made me utterly impossible to wipe them out of me. They left fragments of their specialties in me, therefore, I know I am special. I am lucky enough to know all of them and have the honor in calling them my best friends, my family..

You see, I always think that every person that exists in your life is there for a reason. Something about Buddhist teachings that got me believing it is our karma to meet and know them. Others may know this by the term of fate. The fact that you know them must has a purpose that you are yet to encounter. Well, I need not say furthermore on this matter ;)

Thank you, an abundant amount of gratitude to you all.. My dearest best friends and my family. I love you all.. You guys have bring so much happiness and I don't plan in losing every single of you..

btw, kendrick was not in any of the photos because he was busy taking the photos.. So here is a photo of us..

BAM! Catwoman! ;D