Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Irony. Sometimes I feel it's literally laughing at me. It is a dear friendly yet unwanted friend who happens to pop out in every inconvenient timing and in the least of expected moments..

Irony. For me, in the time being, it is the fact that I am currently jobless. It is the fact that I am currently just waiting to be stated as an undergraduate. It is the fact that I am so used to in having something to do in my agenda everyday that it kills me to just wait.. jobless.. Again, irony..

Irony. It is the fact that I can't track down the bass sound every time I listen to live music, well, except for funk. I am a huge fan of almost all genres of music but the other instruments and the vocals always manage to make me 'bass-deaf'. Ironic is whenever a bassist dear friend of mine, no matter how much headbanging he makes while playing live, I just couldn't track down the sound of his instrument. Irony..

Well, here's the string connecting the whole metaphor. If my life is a piece of music, I think the sound of bass would be the untraceable path of life. I am aware that it's there, I have the sight of it, I just don't know how to trace it down with the appropriate senses. I should have listened to the bass with my ears, but I only managed to caught the sight of him playing it. Just like how irony strikes in my current moment, if my life is the sound of the bass, I only sense it with uncertainty, doubt, and a little bit of fear, combined together, leaving me a bit paranoid.

Like the sound of bass, my path is overpowered by the other instruments of my life. I know it's there, but I still don't know how to get there. Maybe some part of me pretends to make it invisible as I know I am on the brink of stepping out of my comfort zone. But who are we kidding, it is one of the paths that sooner or later, each and everyone of us should follow.

Aside from the self-paranoia, my other half can't wait to enter the next chapter of 'having a job'. I know I am clueless to that new alien world. That's what causing the uncertainty, the doubt and the little bit of fear BUT it's not all bad, in a way, it boost me to be a better me. It pushes me to try and to step up my own game. In a way, it motivates me. Maybe the uncertainty, the doubt and the little bit of fear are not here to be my enemies. Being jobless scares the living out of me, but my subconscious mind is very sure that this isn't it. This is just not how it is going to end.

Ironic, isn't it? I am trying desperately to find my path while others seem to be just perfectly capable of walking theirs. Just like how my other friends can perfectly hear the sound of bass, when I am just pretending to nod along to the rhythm of their head bangs.

In order to get back on irony, I am confessing to the world for what it has done to me, for what it causes me.  I am willing to laugh along side of it rather than being dragged down by the self-inflicted horror caused by it.

In order to get back on irony, I take it as a common everyday joke.

In order to get back on irony, I laugh.

Your choices are indeed your choices. It is waiting to be picked by you and ONLY YOU. I am not saying that I am no longer paranoid, but hey, the choice is mine to choose, right? In order to get back on my dear unwanted friend, I choose to prioritize my life and be patient. Be patient and keep trying because deep down, I know this is not for me. Deep down, I think I know you know. The only question left is, which one will you choose?

Saturday, February 9, 2013

22 for this year

Growing up, I never feel like I was special. I was this 'nerdy-unfriendly-tomboy-struggling-weird-emo-obsessed-with-aliens' kid that wouldn't even bother to fit in (well, I am still some of those minus the unfriendly). Then I start believing that I am so weird that I must be one of a kind. Well, last night, I came to realize that I am indeed special. But, the main reason is definitely not because of me, I am special because of the people around me. They really ARE...

the ones who got close to me in the weirdest way. the ones who bring so many colors in my life. the ones who put limitless smiles on my faces. the ones who irritate me in so many way. the ones who have no shame in asking for a favor or other sorts of related help. the ones who have heard my butch ungraceful laugh. the ones who have seen me on my worst condition. the ones who will always lend a hand. the ones who are always be there through thick and thin.

They affected me in such brilliant ways that I am able to grow and love who I am today, right now, in this moment.. I have been exposed and have the chance to be close to a lot of people, which I think is a blessing in disguise. Each of them infected me with fragments of themselves that it made me utterly impossible to wipe them out of me. They left fragments of their specialties in me, therefore, I know I am special. I am lucky enough to know all of them and have the honor in calling them my best friends, my family..

You see, I always think that every person that exists in your life is there for a reason. Something about Buddhist teachings that got me believing it is our karma to meet and know them. Others may know this by the term of fate. The fact that you know them must has a purpose that you are yet to encounter. Well, I need not say furthermore on this matter ;)

Thank you, an abundant amount of gratitude to you all.. My dearest best friends and my family. I love you all.. You guys have bring so much happiness and I don't plan in losing every single of you..

btw, kendrick was not in any of the photos because he was busy taking the photos.. So here is a photo of us..

BAM! Catwoman! ;D

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Don't Be Such a Party Pooper

Party Pooper : A person who ruins a party by either stopping the fun or not participating in a certain activity
I'll get back to this later.. First.. 

I have been meaning to create another blog from quite some time now. The idea of having another blog popped out cause I simply need a place to share my personal opinions on general topics. Let's say from everyday wisdom to everyday issues. Just like the one that I am about to write..

Whenever I write a new blog post, it's always spontaneous and I barely do any editing afterwards. I just let the words flow and  somehow, by doing this, I get an unexplainable satisfaction. I don't even care if nobody reads it. 

Okay, enough intro for the first post in my new blog. Let's get back to the thing that I wanna talk about. A party pooper.. The world is scattered with lots of party poopers. What I mean in here is not party poopers as in literally.The thing that I am going to talk about doesn't even involve any party or anything related to that. Let me enlighten you for a moment.. 

Today, Farhat Abbas made quite a debut in catching a notorious image. He made some pretty racist comments and critiques to Jokowi and of course, Ahok, Jakarta's Present Governor and Vice Governor. Well, no need to say, his twitter account is being flooded with angry replies from the fans and supporters of Jokowi and Ahok. Not only did he insult Ahok about the fact that he is indeed an Indonesian Chinese, but in a way, he also insulted all of the Indonesian Chinese that has ever existed, including myself. 

To me, people like Farhat Abbas are Party Poopers. In spite of all the good things that Jokowi and Ahok have brought to tidy up our city, he came swooping in with harsh racist words. They're still new and yes, they are going to make quite a few significant changes. But as long as those changes are for the better of this city, I am down with it. I am not provoked by his racist comments, even though I really do believe that those kinda of people belong in the middle ages. The reason why I brought him for an example is simply because I was inspired by this issue..

You see, racism exists everywhere.. I, personally, am not a racist. I have friends with different skin colors and totally comfortable hanging out with them. On the other hand, I can't deny the fact that sometimes skin colors do matter! Wait! Read more before you think less of me. I just wanna say that what I am going to write next is just a personal opinion of mine and it is completely cool if you don't feel the way I feel or even understand what I am saying. I just need you to get the picture.. or not..

Here it goes. Whenever I walk in a new environment, let's say my first semester of university life, I subconsciously mingle with those who have the same eye shape as mine (if you know what I mean). I have no clue, whatsoever, whether they have the same interests as mine. I have no clue what kind of people they are. Somehow, blending in with them seems less awkward, less scarier. There's no guarantee that I am going to get along with them, but it's like a natural calling. Okay, now I know that you are definitely going to think less of me. You think I am this shallow clogged-up introvert. Well, I am not.. I am saying this based on what I see in everyday society. Before you judge me, I just wanna say, don't be such a hypocrite and see your surroundings or even yourself for a second. 

The first month of my university life, I mingled with Indonesian Chinese girls. We get along just fine but some of the girls were definitely not reliable to be considered as a friend, or even a decent human being. There's just too much drama and I just couldn't stand some of those girls. Fortunately, as the time goes, the other classmates started to get friendlier, from Indonesians to Koreans, males and females. I, again subconsciously, somehow got closer to a new more heterogeneous circle of friends. Up to this day, I am still close with both circle of friends.  

The point of my story is, sometimes, it just takes quite some time to blend in with other people with different skin colors. Hell, it even takes some time to blend in with people with the same skin color. But we shouldn't use this reason to close ourselves from the opportunity in getting to know them. We shouldn't make this as an excuse to ignore, provoke or even hate one another. I know different cultural backgrounds and even traumatic left overs experience from our parents from the '98 tragedy lingers. That doesn't mean we should stop reaching out to others or even worse, close ourselves to others. After all, we are the same species and we are capable of communicating with each other. Instead of creating a controversial drama, why don't we use it for something more positive?

It's 2013 for crying out loud! Abbas's racist comments just tell us more about what kind of a person he is. I am not saying that we all should step into 'Jokowi and Ahok to the rescue team'. To be frank, I am not a supporter of any of the groups, BUT I am definitely NOT a fan of Abbas's actions today. I know this post will bring out different opinions and some of you might misjudged me or think less of me. Well, as long as I get my little satisfaction of pouring out my random thoughts.. 

Note to the future haters and Abbas fans: don't be such a party pooper.